9 Reasons Why I Won Custody

1. I didn’t ignore the warning signs that there would be trouble on the horizon.

Even before my son was born I could see that there was going to be trouble ahead. There were warning signs that told me my ex was going to interfere with me having a relationship with my son. Too many men hang on to hope that they will be getting back with their ex instead of instead of reading the warning signs that the relationship is over. When your ex tells you she needs some time, she’s tricking you into waiting around while she plans and implements he exit strategy to take the kids the house and half your income. The next thing you get is a knock on the door and you’re being served with court papers.

2. I filed for custody first.

Don’t ignore the warning signs that you child’s mom is telegraphing to you. Do not hang on to hope for too long. You need to file before she does. By filing for custody first this put my ex on the defense. It made me the petitioner and her the respondent. Too many fathers do nothing, waiting around and the mother files first. This gives the perception that the mother is in charge. There is an unconscious bias in favor of the parent who files first. Also be mindful…they real key here is filing and getting her served before she serves you. Just filing is nothing until she is served the papers.

3. I was always thinking 10 steps ahead.

The custody fight was like a chess game to me. I was always thinking how a decision or action would play out in the future…in court. “If I do that… the judge will thing this”. If she does this… then I’ll do that… which will cause her to do this… then how will this look in court. Will it help my case or hers?” What you might think would normally be a smart move can actually turn out to be bad, so you must look ahead with the actions you take.

4. I didn’t stop my ex from making mistakes.

Whenever my ex was doing something that would hurt her case, like keeping my son from me, I wouldn’t argue with her to let me have him. I would let her think she was winning these little battles. Its better for my case to let her bad behavior, rather than than stop her and force her to do the right thing. The more mistakes she makes then the better it is for my case.

5. I got a good attorney.

And he wasn’t expensive. A really good attorney does not have to be expensive. You just have to know the right person to ask. I knew someone who used to work at the courthouse and they were in the know of which attorneys were really good and which were not so good. My friend gave me three names and out of three told me the two they thought were the best. I interviewed those two and picked the one that I was most comfortable with. I felt he was the better attorney and he was actually the less expensive than the other.

6. I took a parenting class and an infant CPR class.

This is part of looking 10 steps ahead. Knowing my ex, I knew when we got into court that she would probably try to argue that because she already had a daughter and that this my first child (and that I was a man) that she would be better equipped to be the custodial parent. Sure enough at the final hearing her attorney tried to argue this point to the judge…but was unsuccessful. Not only did I take the classes but I also had parenting counselor that taught the class come to court to testify on my behalf.

7. I went to the child custody evaluator first.

It’s human nature for us to believe the first version of a story we hear. It’s a natural response. The child custody evaluator in my case was a certified licensed psychologist and many are. And even though these doctors are professionals, they are still human. In my opinion the parent who tells their story last has a greater hurdle to overcome.

8. I never showed my cards.

Not only was I playing chess but I was also playing poker. And just like in a card game, you never show your cards in a custody fight. Not in all situations but in most I went with the flow of whatever vengeful stunts she was pulling. I never threatened her that I was going to get an attorney and file… even though in the back of mind I knew that’s exactly what I was going to do. I wanted her to continue her bad behavior (keeping my son from me) for as long as I could. Then I could show a long pattern of that behavior to the court. But I also needed to be sure that I filed and had her served before she could do it to me. So I had to time everything just right. To do this I had to keep my cards close to my chest.

9. I showed the court that I was the better parent.

I was a desperate father fighting for my son and I won custody by proving to the court that I was the better parent – even though I wasn’t the perfect dad. There is a specific way that men must go about to prove their case and its not what you think. All of the points I laid out in this article plus a few other very important strategies that I explain on my custody blueprint page enabled me to prove to the court that I was the better parent.